How many wives do you have?

Everyone's favorite mormon question - the practice of plural marriage, commonly (and mistakenly, I'm told) referred to as polygamy.

There is no shortage of internet information on polygamy. Let me summarize what you will find out there briefly:

It is fairly easy to find members and defenders of the church explaining why the practice existed in the early church. You will also find opponents of the practice denouncing it and accusing the church of a perverse history. Outside the mainstream, you will find various 'splinter groups' that continue to engage and promote in the practice.

Too many people have taken on this topic for me to make a valuable contribution, other than to point out a few things by way of summary:

1. The church did, in fact, practice plural marriage.
2. The church doesn't practice plural marriage today. Anyone who teaches it or practices it or sympathizes with the 'splinter groups' who do faces church discipline including, potentially, excommunication.
3. Plural marriage has its historical roots in Israel and the Old Testament. But it is difficult to understand in a culture that has not embraced it. I don't understand it myself.
4. Undoubtedly there were some abuses of the practice. Mormons aren't perfect. But most of the historic 'proof' of rampant abuse by leadership that is offered up by the church's opponents is questionable at best. The church has an enormous amount of documentation (letters, journals, etc) of the early leadership of the church indicates that relatively few members practiced it, and the practice was taught very carefully.

The church today continues to have the most conservative stance of any towards spousal or child abuse of any organization that I know of. That includes emotional, physical, sexual, verbal, and any other kind of abuse. We preach and teach constantly a standard and ideal of manhood that is far above anything that the world even hopes to attain to. Our lay ministry is trained in recognizing and combatting abuse. Our leadership provides counseling for both the victims and perpetrators of abuse. And my (extensive) reading of church history, journals, and discourses indicates that the leaders of the early church were similarly committed to teaching those family and individual ideals, that are at stark contrast to what they are accused of.

So what do I think personally of this practice?

I am descended from several plural marriages, on both sides of my family. My parents are monogamous. So am I. I have one wife. I have, in fact, had 'marital relations' with only one person in my entire life. No premarital relations, no extramarital relations. Ever.

Now there's an irony; the same Mormons that supposedly selfishly promote a lifestyle that permits men to have as many partners as they want... are the most chaste men that civilization has produced today. Even many of my most conservative associates of other faiths acknowledge premarital or extramarital lapses in their adherence to the law of chastity. Frankly, until some of these conservative faiths get their collective act together with their own youth, it would be wise to put down their proverbial stones.

What if I were asked to practice plural marriage by my church leaders?

I've been asked that question too - by people who want to probe how I 'really' feel. The good news is - it's a highly irrelevant question, as the church abides by the law of the land, which prohibits plural marriage.

But what if I were asked to practice plural marriage by my church leaders?

That would be a hard thing for me. I grew up in a society and culture that frowns on it - and I have the same cultural biases. But I'm also used to being different than the people around me, and to being obedient. So it's hard to say.

But what if I were asked to practice...?

I know, I haven't given a straight answer. The truth is, I don't know what I'd do. I'd start by looking for confirmation from God. That's the personal revelation thing kicking in again: Our church believes in a God that both answers prayers and guides prophets. So far in my life that has worked every time, and I trust it will again.