What's with the two kids in white shirts and black nametags?

They're missionaries. I've gotten a lot of questions about missionaries - it is difficult to not be curious about such a lifestyle. Missionaries serve 18-24 months, sometimes are sent to live in a foreign country and learn a foreign language, and live by a stringent set of rules including not dating, dressing formally, and keeping a demanding schedule of study and work.

Some people find proselityzing missionaries annoying. That is understandable - they sometimes bear the same stigma as a door-to-door salesman, with the added negative of the fact that they are 'selling' religion, an unpopular product. From time to time one earns that reputation as well - if they are overly pushy or insensitive. We do, after all, send them out pretty young. But for the most part, our missionaries are what they claim to be: emissaries of Jesus Christ with a message. If you don't like it, don't talk to them.

These young men get up at 6:30 in the morning, study and pray for several hours, and then knock on doors and visit with people and extend invitations to them to improve their lives and their families. Their teachings range from explaining the nature of God to the Plan of Salvation and Jesus Christ's role, to principals of happiness, such as how to pray, how to get a long in a family, and how to shed unwanted habits such as smoking and drinking. They provide community service every week; where I live, they volunteer in a nursing home that is run by a local protestant church. In other places they teach English or literacy, or work at a food shelf. They pay for this experience themselves - through savings and contributions from family and friends.

Some people think we have no business proselityzing in Christian areas. I think a quick glance over what we believe about practicing Christianity (chaste living, sabbath day observance, and other forms of self-restraint) should make it clear that we believe we have something to offer above and beyond 'mainstream' Christianity. That is not meant as an offense to our Catholic and Protestant brothers and sisters, it is simply a fact of life. If we thought what we had was the same as what they offer, we'd just join them - it would be much easier. And if it makes you feel any better, we send Missionaries to Utah too, the geographic center of our own religion.

In addition to the benefit that these young men provide to their communities and the people they teach, the mission is a great benefit to them and the church in terms of the character it builds in the missionary himself. Missionary work produces the best fathers, husbands, and leaders possible. In a world where leaving home means experimenting with the evils that are out there to offer whether in the nightlife of a college campus or exposure to all that is in the working world, the only two programs I have seen make decent men out of boys are the military and the Mormon Mission. And the military comes complete with its own morally risky activities at times, so choices are even more limited.

I would not be half the man I am without my mission. I am proud to be associated with the boys in the white shirts and the nametags.

Do you guys have something like a Pope?

We have a Prophet.

A Prophet? You mean like... Old Testament, talks to God, has power to perform miracles, that kind of Prophet?

Yes.

Do you understand what that means?

Yes.

And you accept it? Really?

Yes.

Prophets have a bad name these days. The world has seen its fair share of nut jobs proclaiming themselves to be a Prophet. In too many minds the term Prophet is equated with secretive cults, illegal activities, and mass suicide. Whether it is Waco, Texas, or the so-called 'fundamentalist LDS' church, or the various cults of a generation past, the word Prophet conjures up images of compounds, weapons caches, female oppression, and sedition against the government.

That would not be us.

It should come as no surprise that the devil would want to paint prophets with a nice, broad, ugly brush. After all, Prophets are what saved Israel over and over again. And Prophets are what brought us the Bible. And Prophets talk to God. All things that the devil would prefer did not happen.

So when I say I accept the idea of a modern prophet, I am not suggesting that I have plans to move to a compound in the central US and stockpile tear gas.

One stark difference between the Prophet and the nut jobs in the cults is that the nut jobs have serious control issues - the last thing they would preach is individual, personal revelation. The Mormon church is the opposite - the Prophet encourages the members to learn to receive revelation and live by the Spirit. If everything is working the way God says it should (and I find that it does), the Spirit confirms individually what the Prophet teaches generally.

So, would you like to see what today's Prophet is saying? His name is Thomas S. Monson. He travels a lot and speaks in various meetings and conferences around the world, but twice a year he presides over a worldwide conference of the church, broadcast by satellite to nearly all of its buildings. It happens usually in April and October. The full text and the audio, and the video, if you'd like to hear his voice or see what he looks like are available on LDS.Org. Look for 'General Conference'. In fact, the proceedings of the conference are also streamed live on the internet, and available on KBYU on consumer satellite services. Put it on your DVR or Tivo, or print off a copy of a talk, or download the audio to your iPod sometime, and see what you think.

Can Mormons use birth control?

Yes. As long as we're talking about pregnancy prevention, and not pregnancy termination.

Do they?

Sometimes it seems like we don't. When someone has learned how many children I have, their first question is often one of three: Are you Catholic? Are you a Pastor? Are you Mormon? Usually the people that ask these questions have a certain tone of admiration or respect, and I am flattered by it. Catholicism and some of the more fundamental forms of the protestant tradition are known for a long-standing prohibition on contraceptives, and many people associate Mormons with the older or more conservative side of Christian Culture. I think we should be pleased by that association.

Children are an heritage of the Lord. That's pretty much all the Bible has to say on the subject. The LDS Church doesn't publish much more than that, other than to recommend that decisions regarding 'family planning' be made prayerfully, involve husband and wife, and where difficulties arise, that they consult with their ecclesiastical leader (usually a Bishop or a Stake President) on the matter.

Quite basically, contraception is not to be used selfishly. There is an expectation that if you have the ability to bring children in to the world and raise them, you ought to do that. We encourage our members to obtain good education, good jobs, and self-sufficiency, as a means to that end. At the same time, we discourage our members from waiting until the 'perfect time' to have children. There is no perfect time. Children always mean sacrifice. But the church does not dictate a schedule, a quota, or otherwise interfere in a husband and wife's decisions.

The medical advances that permit things like contraception are, in my opinion, a blessing from God, not to be used selfishly, but to be used in prolonging life and improving its quality. So when a woman's mental/emotional/physical health is stressed, using those blessings under guidance from the spirit is entirely appropriate.

My wife and family are the highest priority in my life, after God. They come before my church callings, before my work, before even the worthiest of my hobbies.

Every now and then I have to check and make sure that the amount of time I am dedicating to those other things are appropriately balanced against family, and that my family is benefiting from my service in those areas. My service in the church has afforded me the double benefit of training in being a father. And I think if I didn't have a family, I wouldn't need a job, and I'd probably have quit my job a long time ago and gone and lived in the woods.

Let me make clear here: I have had many children because I love my children. Every one of them has increased the amount of joy that I have. When I was younger, my plans were not to have many. I only learned after having children how fulfilling it is. The church did not 'make me' have this many children. It was my choice, and I stand by it.

Now here's the fun part:

The other questions I get about my familial head count are often less flattering: Don't you understand how this happened? What are you putting your poor wife through? How is the world going to feed all of these children? Don't you worry about the environment/overpopulation/college costs/etc?

To those people I say (when I feel polite), my children are bright and well-raised and smart and caring, and are part of the solution to the world's problems, not part of the problem. I have some less-polite answers that call their own qualifications as parents in to question, but some (unwanted) maturity and wisdom I am picking up as I age are limiting that sort of conversation. My siblings (who are similarly prolific, but I am still winning in sheer numbers) have cute answers to these questions too.

Having children has a funny way of wiping the window through which you view the world. So let me air one final point: Your opinion on when to have children, how many to have, and so on, applies to just one person: You. And it barely even counts there.

Your right to weigh in on anyone else's life choices, whether to the extreme of too many or too few children, is limited by the fact that such a right does not exist.

Of course, you are free to moan and groan about the costs others may or may not impose on you through welfare or social costs. But, dear older-sister-whomever-you-are in the Relief Society of the Utah 457th Ward, if you think the newly married couple in your ward should have started having children already, you may (kindly) shut up and keep your opinions to yourself. And, captain-sierra-club-thomas-malthus-crusader, if you think I/we/someothercouple have too many kids and we're burdening the world, well, you may also (kindly) kiss off and find someone else to whine at. And, on a closing note, to the unmarried / no children yet intellectual who has figured out all the answers... good luck with that.

Do Mormons really hoard food?

Yes, we store food. Not hoard. Store. Every definition I know of for hoarding implies some sort of a guarded or secret stash. Mine is in my basement. No secret, no security guard.

Food storage is not a new idea. Joseph helped Egypt put away food for the seven years of famine that would follow their seven years of plenty. That ultimately allowed Joseph to help his brothers when the table was empty.

We encourage our members to have a years' supply of their needs - food, fuel, clothing - and some monetary reserves as well. That makes us a practical religion, don't you think? I finally got my food storage up to par in late 2007 and early 2008. Until then I'd been making rather weak attempts, but the Prophet was teaching the idea with renewed emphasis, so I decided to get my act together. How's 2009 looking to you right now?

The storage principle is not limited to economic recessions - it is emphasized that we cannot predict the source of adversity (job loss, disability, natural disaster, and so on), so we prepare rather broadly.

In fact, it is not limited to temporal issues. By building an ongoing habit of frugality and preparation you can be ready to withstand all kinds of problems. Think about it - the person whose character has been tempered to avoid excess, strengthen reserves, and live in moderation, is ultimately the kind of person that you probably want for a spouse, an employer, a neighbor.

One of the tenets of the Mormon faith is that no commandment is given that is temporal alone - they all have a spiritual angle. You do not have to be financially strong to endure an economically strong period. By the same token, a spiritually weak person can do just fine when their social condition is strong. But what about when people around you start acting like, well, people? How are you going to handle that emotionally? How are you going to handle situations that are imposed on you - that are outside your control? Death? Illness? Betrayal? Insult? Injury? Deceit? Abuse? If you have built an emotional reserve (and this is done through careful use of your time every day - reading, studying, meditating - fasting, worshipping) - you will be just fine. You can hold up under all sorts of adversity if you do the right things ahead of time. And you can even be a great benefit to your neighbor, just as Joseph was to his brothers.

How many wives do you have?

Everyone's favorite mormon question - the practice of plural marriage, commonly (and mistakenly, I'm told) referred to as polygamy.

There is no shortage of internet information on polygamy. Let me summarize what you will find out there briefly:

It is fairly easy to find members and defenders of the church explaining why the practice existed in the early church. You will also find opponents of the practice denouncing it and accusing the church of a perverse history. Outside the mainstream, you will find various 'splinter groups' that continue to engage and promote in the practice.

Too many people have taken on this topic for me to make a valuable contribution, other than to point out a few things by way of summary:

1. The church did, in fact, practice plural marriage.
2. The church doesn't practice plural marriage today. Anyone who teaches it or practices it or sympathizes with the 'splinter groups' who do faces church discipline including, potentially, excommunication.
3. Plural marriage has its historical roots in Israel and the Old Testament. But it is difficult to understand in a culture that has not embraced it. I don't understand it myself.
4. Undoubtedly there were some abuses of the practice. Mormons aren't perfect. But most of the historic 'proof' of rampant abuse by leadership that is offered up by the church's opponents is questionable at best. The church has an enormous amount of documentation (letters, journals, etc) of the early leadership of the church indicates that relatively few members practiced it, and the practice was taught very carefully.

The church today continues to have the most conservative stance of any towards spousal or child abuse of any organization that I know of. That includes emotional, physical, sexual, verbal, and any other kind of abuse. We preach and teach constantly a standard and ideal of manhood that is far above anything that the world even hopes to attain to. Our lay ministry is trained in recognizing and combatting abuse. Our leadership provides counseling for both the victims and perpetrators of abuse. And my (extensive) reading of church history, journals, and discourses indicates that the leaders of the early church were similarly committed to teaching those family and individual ideals, that are at stark contrast to what they are accused of.

So what do I think personally of this practice?

I am descended from several plural marriages, on both sides of my family. My parents are monogamous. So am I. I have one wife. I have, in fact, had 'marital relations' with only one person in my entire life. No premarital relations, no extramarital relations. Ever.

Now there's an irony; the same Mormons that supposedly selfishly promote a lifestyle that permits men to have as many partners as they want... are the most chaste men that civilization has produced today. Even many of my most conservative associates of other faiths acknowledge premarital or extramarital lapses in their adherence to the law of chastity. Frankly, until some of these conservative faiths get their collective act together with their own youth, it would be wise to put down their proverbial stones.

What if I were asked to practice plural marriage by my church leaders?

I've been asked that question too - by people who want to probe how I 'really' feel. The good news is - it's a highly irrelevant question, as the church abides by the law of the land, which prohibits plural marriage.

But what if I were asked to practice plural marriage by my church leaders?

That would be a hard thing for me. I grew up in a society and culture that frowns on it - and I have the same cultural biases. But I'm also used to being different than the people around me, and to being obedient. So it's hard to say.

But what if I were asked to practice...?

I know, I haven't given a straight answer. The truth is, I don't know what I'd do. I'd start by looking for confirmation from God. That's the personal revelation thing kicking in again: Our church believes in a God that both answers prayers and guides prophets. So far in my life that has worked every time, and I trust it will again.

Your religion asks too much of its adherents. Why are you so demanding?

Sometimes people are overwhelmed or startled by the number of things that the church or its members ask of a new member. The seeming invasion by the church in to every aspect of a person's life probably contributes to the idea that we are a 'cult'.

It is ironic that our well-intentioned members expect from a new member of the church instant compliance with every cultural norm, law, standard, and so on. After all, our own doctrine states that conversion and perfection are a never-ending process. While we strive constantly to better ourselves, no one expects to become perfect in this life.

You are not expected to be perfect. Believe me, the members of the church are not perfect either.

The process of conversion itself is not even an instantaneous one; Mormons are the first to argue with the idea that you become converted and wholly saved in an instantaneous emotional experience, a concept often promoted by the more charismatic of the protestant churches.

Now, the Gospel as taught by Jesus Christ does (and should) ultimately influence every aspect of our lives. While many forms of modern Christianity preach a sort of 'buffet style' religion - one where you get to pick and choose the parts you like, the sheer length of the Bible alone ought to indicate that God has more than one thing to say about how we live. And Mormons don't take commandments as ideas or suggestions - we take them as literal instructions.

Yes, the church does tell me in varying degrees how, when, and what I should eat, spend my money, work, take recreation, study, pray, and so on. But I am grateful for the counsel that I have received. Seemingly restrictive commandments like the Word of Wisdom (prohibiting drugs and alcohol) or the Law of Chastity (prohibiting sexual relations outside of marriage) are blessings disguised as restraints.

Think of it this way; different professions, sports, and hobbies have varying attire, rules, and preparation, some of which is very restrictive. But the freedom to participate in and enjoy the finest things in life requires some restraint. To one who has not played basketball, the shoes might feel restrictive - heavy, laced up tight around the foot and ankle - you can barely move your toes and ankle in that thing - but to the basketball player those shoes give them the freedom (not the ability) to run and jump faster and higher with the risk of injury.

Because I have been a member of the church my entire life, many of the things that we 'prohibit' are not difficult for me - I have never had any desire to taste alcohol, coffee, or tobacco. But to one who is exploring the teachings of the church the first time, I (and my well-intentioned and pushy Mormon friends) need to be patient, and depend on the Spirit to teach the reasons for these things and your growing faith to give you the strength to test them.

Why can't I go in the Temple?

We've touched lightly on this subject once before (when we discussed the different kinds of buildings in the Mormon church), but we haven't really talked in depth about why not everyone can enter a temple. I've come across this question usually from one of three people: The person who has wandered in to a temple in their travels and tried to enter out of curiosity, the person that has heard from one source or another that the Mormon temples are 'secret', and the person who was unable to attend their relative's marriage inside the temple.

Without a doubt, the third can be the most difficult. Especially when it is, for example, the LDS convert daughter of a non-mormon family. Dad doesn't understand why he can't be there to give his daughter away, and it can seem like a direct personal offense. Understandably, there is a tremendous potential for hurt feelings as the celebration of the new marriage seems to pass right on by some who should be key participants. There is no easy answer; even the best efforts to include all family members can fall short of assuaging the feelings of being left out of an important moment.

But let's get those other two people taken care of first.

We're very sorry, the temple is not intended to be a tourist attraction. Some of the more prominent temples, like the one in Salt Lake City, do offer a visitors center and grounds that are open to the public. The Mesa Arizona temple (one of my favorites) has a beautiful Christmas Lights display on its grounds every year. The Nauvoo Temple is surrounded by historical sites and period demonstrations of pioneer life, all offered for free and staffed by volunteer missionaries. But the sanctity of the temple itself is not to be violated by casual passers-by or the merely curious. It is a place of refuge and worship, and its very purpose would be negated by that type of exposure. We don't build them out of the best materials and most careful workmanship because we want to attract people - they are not intended as a marketing ploy or even an evangelical or missionary tool. They are built to honor God and then dedicated to Him. If you understand why they don't let roads, motorboats, and crowds into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area in Northern Minnesota, you probably can appreciate what I'm trying to communicate.

Yes, we know what you read or heard (on the internet, from your friend the minister, in the brochure from your well-meaning friend) about the 'secret ceremonies'. Sorry, it's not as titillating as what you've heard. Frankly, the unprepared would probably be bored if they actually went in to listen and watch. The deep beauty of the temple rites are hidden deep in their words and meaning, and appreciating them requires an enormous amount of preparation. In short - while to me temple worship is wonderous and meaningful - you'd probably find it quite tedious, especially compared to what you've heard and read. Here's one of my favorite stories: Once upon a time someone was supposedly kept as a slave in the Salt Lake Temple. They jumped out of the 4th story window into the Salt Lake and swam to freedom to tell their story. To verify the plausibility, start by checking the map for the distance from the Salt Lake Temple to the Great Salt Lake. I hope they got a running start before they hit the window. The stories are so much more interesting than reality sometimes.

Now we're back to the Father who can't attend his daughter's wedding. We do want you there. Your daughter wants you there. Everyone wants you to be there - no one wants to leave you out. In all likelihood, the decision to marry in the temple was a very difficult one for your daughter because she knew it would mean you being absent from this most important day. She is making a tremendous sacrifice to show her devotion to God. The heart pangs for her are probably not unlike those that Abraham felt when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac. It hurts her too. But be proud - you helped her become the woman she is, and to be found both worthy to enter the temple and willing to do so at this great cost to such an important relationship speaks volumes of her character and devotion.

I know that doesn't take the pain away. If we have done everything right, we will ensure you are a part of everything else - gathering outside the temple, taking the photos, dancing and talking in the reception afterwards. But there is still that brief moment when they are in the temple and you are not... That's a hard thing.

So you know, the wedding ceremony itself is very short, and not showy. On its face, it is very simple. There is no music, there are no grandiose speeches, there is no processional, there are no flowers. No pictures are taken, no audio or video recordings are made. A few words are pronounced, and the marriage is solemnized for time and all eternity. In a few years, when you are holding your grandchildren on your lap, and people reminisce about the goings-on at the wedding - they won't be talking about what happened inside. Even just between those that were inside the temple - they aren't talking about that part that you missed when you aren't around. They just don't do that. So the festivities, the relationships, the greetings, the reception, the gifts, the food and the cake, the feelings of the day - you will still be there for all of that. All of that happens outside the temple. You're still a part of it.

If there is one thing we don't want the temple to be - to be viewed as an exclusive club. It is not. Heavenly Father ultimately wants everyone to go in. Rich and poor, male and female, learned and unlearned. The high standard He has placed to enter is not designed to exclude people - it is to ensure that when they do enter, they benefit fully from it by being prepared and by not violating the very sanctity that makes it special.

The temple is not a college fraternity. My Mormon friends and I don't talk about what happens in the temple any more with each other than we do with you. Even my wife and I do not discuss the specifics of the temple when we are outside it. That is what makes it 'sacred' and not 'secret'.

We hope we will prepare yourself in such a way that we can see you there some day. While the sacredness of that experience prevents me from talking about specifics of temple worship, let me share what I hope for. We will meet, I will smile and we will shake hands or embrace. We will whisper our greetings quietly. We will reflect for a moment on how glad we are to see each other in this very special place, and ponder gratefully our shared belief in the gospel and the comfort we feel knowing that those dear to us desire to be there and are worthy to attend with us. We'll mentally recommit ourselves to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And we'll bask in a feeling of reverence - that special peace and calm that comes from keeping the commandments and knowing that we are both preparing to return to live with our Heavenly Father.

This week I had the privilege of returning to a very special temple in Chicago, Illinois. I contributed to its building fund as a child. It was my 'first' temple - I participated there for the first time when I was 12. I entered and participated in the higher ordinances shortly before entering the mission field about the time I turned 19. And I was sealed to my wife there a little over a year after I returned from my mission. I don't get there very often anymore, as we have a temple in St. Paul, Minnesota now. But my business took my by there and I had a few extra hours, so I stopped and attended. As I was walking through the temple on my way from one session to another, I paused by the room that I was sealed to my wife in. I thought for a moment about that day. The only person I could picture in my mind from that room on that day was my beautiful wife. I realized that I cannot remember a single other thing - I know my parents were there, but I don't remember seeing them in the room. In fact, I don't really remember really anyone else being in the room. I don't remember where anyone sat. A lot has happened - I have a lot of children now, an busy job, duties in the church and my community. As I stood there quietly on Wednesday evening, all I could remember about that day many years ago was the image of my wife and the overwhelming sense of how important that place was, how important that day was. It was the right time. It was the right place. And it was the right person. That was what mattered.

I hope I will see you there soon.